kloka ord från mig själv

oh lord, det är mycket som händer på en gång just nu. fina saker, lite emotionellt bara och så är jag ganska tramsig ibland. MEN ikväll lät jag mig inspireras, eller jag blev rätt oplanerat inspirerad. av mig själv av alla människor.

innan jag lämnade chilcotin holidays fick jag skriva en så kallad staff story om min upplevelse på ranchen, som nu publicerats på wilderness jobs' blogg. som jag följer. och det var bra, jag blev imponerad, inspirerad som sagt, motiverad på nytt av att läsa den. kände att det var rätt bra skrivet och bra sammanfattat.

här är min staff story:

"So, in life a lot of unexpected things appear to happen. I left Sweden for Canada in early September 2013 and four months later going back my whole way of seeing the world is different.

I just turned twenty; I am in the middle of experiencing the world with a traveling heart and a wish to learn something about everything. I was going to a ranch in North America mainly to work with horses and develop a little bit as a person hopefully, that was the plan. And here I am, have been working a bit with horses, yes, but mostly with other things, new things. And have developed as a person, yes, but not just a little bit, I would more describe it as a huge bit. An amazing bit!

Before I went to Canada I finished a three years education in agriculture 2012 and then spent one year working at a couple of different places, a riding stable in Ireland during the fall, a restaurant in a ski resort in the north of Sweden during the winter season and a bed & breakfast/travel agency/café during the summer.

With my education I got to do a lot of working practice so I had quite a bit of experience of different working environments already and I got to go working on Iceland in the summer of 2011, so it wasn’t my first time going alone to an unknown country either. But with that behind me I sort of knew that you never know how things are going to turn out, whatever picture you have in your head before you go, it can show up to be completely different.

Chilcotin showed up to be almost as I pictured it actually, on the surface anyway. Pretty soon I started to discover something else though, after some talks, some digging, some paperwork (!). The actual search for personal development in everything, the open-minded thinking, the endless possibilities to learn new skills. The genius combination of being in the wilderness, in an environment full of risks, living a lifestyle on the edge and letting people into this, get them challenges way out of what they’d ever dreamt of. For me it has become obvious that nothing is more developing than this, if you’re ready for meeting the unknown, if you can handle it.

And I must say, this is what I think has been most valuable for me. The change of thinking and the view of possibilities I have now that I didn’t see in the same way before. Not that I didn’t lived a happy life or had goals and dreams before, but the feeling is different now, the importance of keeping focus is more centered and I have a way more clear picture of life, what I want to do and sort of the way to accomplish it.

My learning process, my challenges started during my second week at the ranch when I got thrown into the logging work. I had a small experience of driving heavy equipment before from driving tractors at school and I enjoy it, but to suddenly be out in the real world, doing real high-risk work in the forest was different. Scary and challenging, being aware of all dangers and people working around me, soft, fragile people that wouldn’t have any chance of protecting themselves from a huge, heavy skidder if I did something wrong.

But I got the chance to choose if I wanted to do it or not, and I decided to keep going, because I enjoyed and wanted to master it, be able to do it and feel confident with it. The best choice I could do, when seeing it now, afterwards. It was a whole new field of skills.

Getting an identity with the logging, being “the loggers” together with Randy, meant a lot to my self-confidence and opened up my eyes for everything I could do even though I had no experience of it. The maintenance work of the skidder was a certain part from the beginning, but that’s when I started widening my horizon with doing all kinds of mechanics and maintenance work on the trucks, the backhoe, the snowmobiles.

I felt important; I had a role and hungered to get more. Without really reflecting at the beginning I searched for things to be responsible for, projects to lead. And the ranch environment provided it all for me, I just had to understand it myself.

With all this came the challenge of balancing my time as well, since my interests wasn’t all about logging and mechanics after all. The will of learning new skills had grown bigger since coming to the ranch and I tried to make sure I got to try everything new when a possibility showed up, or I made it happen myself. So the whole new field concerning the hunting became one of these things, from knowing nothing I went to study the CORE, get to go out scouting, handle and shoot with a rifle and tracking.

Other new things was de-shoeing the horses, tracking and herding home horses from the mountains and training Ranger, the little foal of the wild mare Cheyenne. I have never been training such a young horse before, but it has been wonderful to work with him and see his huge steps forward, he is an amazing, cooperative little horse and he managed to steal my heart totally. With training him I learned the skills of roping as well, which sure is cool as hell!

To develop and learn more about the managing part I got thrown into do coordinating my last month at the ranch, which was a light introduction to any leader/manager role. With the full time logging at the same time and the little horse to train it became an even bigger personal challenge trying to handle the pressure of keeping track of everything, being aware of everything happening at the ranch and of everybody’s work and interests. A tough one, but sure a well needed one as well.

To try and summarize it I had a totally outstanding time at Chilcotin Holidays, counting all different sections, from the people I met to the skills that I learned and the way I developed on an intellectual and emotional level. I got inspired and motivated in so many ways from the environment and from the other staff members.

I will always keep this experience with me and I hope I will return to Chilcotin to work again, dig deeper into the knowledge of running a business and take part of the endless stream of possibilities this place provides. Maybe after half a year, one year, two years, I don’t know for sure. First I’m going back to Sweden, working a winter season at a completely different place where I’ve been before, where I already am someone, to see how it affects me, and how I affect it. How my changed way of seeing life is going to be in an environment I know from before my Chilcotin experience."